It’s about that time of the year. Gyms will slowly become less crowded. Lines at fast food chains become longer. The highway is riddled with the mangled remains of New Years Resolutions that got tossed aside for an easier life.

I can’t fault people for this. Change is hard.

But I know that you don’t want to stay the same. You don’t want to be the same collection of bad habits, so something needs to change for the better. How do we stay on the path? How can we keep from straying from the Way?

Want to know the secret?

There is no secret.

For some, discipline is a way of life. The disciplined do what they know is right even when they don’t feel like it. Sometimes, we just need to grit our teeth and buck up. Life isn’t always an easy going paradise.

Think differently

Waking up early is hard. Who on earth enjoys waking up into the cold, dark morning? The warm blankets constantly invite you to press the snooze button.

You don’t do it because you want to. You do it because you know that it’s the Way. We need to amplify the voice in our head that screams that the day is passing by because our time is precious.

You need to change your mindset before you can expect to change for the better. You’re doing these things because you’ve had enough and you know what is good for you.

The disciplined don’t blame others or the world for their misfortunes. They know that they are responsible for themselves so they take accountability for their decisions. You need to take the hard and difficult road, not because some internet guru said so but because it’s you.

Good things come to those who make difficult decisions. The only thing that stands between you and your goal is effort. No one is going to do the work for you.

Take some accountability for yourself.

Why you’re failing

Hard words and platitudes only get you so far. Let’s talk about the practical reasons why your changes aren’t sticking.

1. You changed too many things at once

I said it earlier: change is hard. Changing a single habit tends to be a monumental task, so why would you try and change a dozen things at once?

Habits are deeply ingrained into our daily lives. There is a reason why you tend to do the things you do: it’s almost hardwired into your brain. Trying to overhaul all of your behaviors and living a completely different lifestyle is impossible.

When you try and change multiple habits or behaviors at once, you are doomed to fail.

Getting into shape entails a lot of things. Are you going to change your approach to nutrition? Are you going to start exercising regularly? If so, what kind of exercise? Lifting weights? Cardio? Conditioning? Sprint interval or high intensity interval training? Are you going to try and change your sleep patterns?

There are a TON of things to consider, so I recommend picking just one aspect of health and fitness and putting all of your time and energy into that. Everyone tries to have a list of New Years Resolutions. Just have one thing.

2. You didn’t have a plan

The old cliche unfortunately runs especially true in fitness. If you don’t have a plan, then you plan to fail.

Saying that you’re going to the gym more often is an honorable thing, but doesn’t mean much in the grand scheme of things. What does it even mean? Are you going to just show up and leave? “Changing my diet” is also an empty phrase. What are the actual changes to your meals going to look like?

Have some sort of weekly plan available for you to follow. If you are going to focus on lifting weights, then at least have a list of exercises you are going to do once you’re at the gym. If you are going to focus on nutrition, then at least have some meals or strategies planned.

3. You tried “quitting” a vice

Here is a critical part of behavior change: you cannot simply just stop a behavior. You must aim to replace it.

The inverse is also true: you cannot just start a behavior. It must replace another behavior in its place.

When you stop a certain undesirable habit or behavior, it opens a vacuum during your day. If you are not careful, the void will be filled by yet another undesirable habit. It will be tragic if you try to stop smoking only for the void to be filled by drinking or online gambling.

It’s important to try and replace the habit with something that is equally pleasurable to you. Replacing a cigarette with a glass of plain water is guaranteed to fail.

Another piece of the “quitting” puzzle is to manage your triggers. Prior to any behavior, there is almost always an event that triggers the specific behavior. Finding the preceding trigger can be complicated but well worth the effort.

For example, let’s say the individual is trying to quit watching porn. Willpower alone will only yield failure. We must find the antecedent trigger. We can work backwards from the undesired behavior: opens computer to watch pornography < bored (this is a void that can be addressed but often not the actual trigger) < home alone at night (this may be a problem but often not the actual trigger) < eats dinner < orders dinner via delivery < sees a commercial for fast food < watches some television < sits down on couch < puts down jacket and bag on couch < goes inside < arrives home < enters neighborhood < gets off highway < gets on highway < drives past strip club < gets into car to drive home < gets off work.

Bingo. I think we found the trigger (driving past the strip club). Now, I know this is a very specific example and some may roll their eyes at it, but this is exactly how behavior change works.

A full dive into the science of behavior change is beyond the scope of this post, but keep these main takeaways in mind. 1. You need to replace a behavior, not just quit. 2. You cannot just start, you need to replace another behavior. 3. You need to manage your triggers.

Maybe you should quit. But not yet.

Sometimes the changes we’re trying to make just don’t resonate with our values. There are changes for the better and changes that don’t make any difference.

Maybe your New Years Resolution was to “toughen up”, whatever that means. So, you committed yourself to taking ice baths in the morning but it turns out you hate them so much and stopped.

Now, ice baths can be very valuable in very specific circumstances but outside of these circumstances, nothing will significantly change for the worse if you stop. Go ahead and stop the ice baths if you want, but don’t abandon your resolution. Just find something more worthwhile to pursue.

Maybe your resolution was to improve your fitness and so you enrolled in a spin class. If you hate spin classes, then stop going! But don’t abandon your original resolution. Just find something else to do that resonates with your interests (just go lift weights. You can never go wrong with weights).

Keep on pushing

This is your sign. Don’t quit on your resolutions. Never stop changing for the better.

People quit in droves because it’s easy to do. Remember that down is always easier than up. If you’re sick of something about your life, take some accountability and change it.

So, pick up the mangled remains of your New Years Resolutions and join the 1% of those who don’t stray from the Way.